Posted 2:45 PM by Doug

Draper Wins Pulitzer

Rich Draper, the recently retired beat writer who covered the San Francisco Giants for sfgiants.com, has been awarded a Pulitzer Prize for journalism for his coverage of the Giants. Draper, best known for his nonsensical analogies and ridiculous hyperbole, won the award for an article in which he compared former Giants catcher Todd Greene to a work by 19th century French impressionist Claude Monet.

"Summarily, bumps and bruises. Scratches and even abrasions too.

Todd Greene transcends the meaning of the word "catcher." In this, his 11th big league campaign, the battle scars of the onerous daily grind of a ballplayer have taken their toll on Greene's body. A little purple here, blue there. Hey look over there, dried blood and dirt too; the residue of another day at the office.

The tools of ignorance are a mere veil for the magnificent colors of Todd Greene's body. So much color. His seasoned, colorful knees are like the canvas of Monet's Rue Montorgueil, Paris, Festival of June 30, 1878. But this isn't paint on the knees of this warhorse. These are baseball wounds.

Foul tips, sitting in a crouch, running the bases, collisions at home plate? Verily, that old hand Todd Anthony Greene has the scars that beckon, nay, scream out in the cold, foggy San Francisco night, "been there."

Lincecum Optioned to Fresno, Inducted into Hall of Fame

Cooperstown, NY - Tim Lincecum became the first player in big league history to be inducted into baseball's Hall of Fame before making his major league debut.

"Sure he hasn't actually pitched in the big leagues yet, but there's no doubt in my mind that he'll not only live up to the hype, but that he'll be one of baseball's all-time greats when all is said and done," explained Peter Smith, a sports writer for the Louisville Gazette. "He's a young pitching prospect with an unorthodox delivery, what could possibly go wrong?"

Gwen Knapp, a writer for the San Francisco Chronicle, said she voted for Lincecum because "he's a skinny guy, so he's obviously never been on steroids."

Giants Lower Ticket Prices

If that headline isn't a giveaway that this is an April Fools Day post, then I don't know what is. Happy April Fools Day!